Not sure if this is the right venue for this and I'm probably going to rant on for a while. Just figured I would give a heads up before you got sucked into reading this.

About me: I'm 31 years old, Im good looking, smart and have the prettiest 16 month old daughter on the planet. Aside from all of that I hate my life and I feel like I have no purpose.

Let me attempt to elaborate. I have self esteem in the social sense. I can talk my way around pretty much anyone. I have a very high iq (not bragging, just find this to be a possible contributing factor to my state of mind). However, I'm bored with life. I'm underemployed and have no passion in my life. I take full responsibility for my situation and dont blame anyone else. I've never obtained a job that I enjoyed or was proud off. I've never been able to use my brain at work. I can solve complex math and logic problems (I have taught standardized tests in the past, but found no satisfaction there either) instantly, but I spend my days taking care of mentally handicapped individuals at a state run facility (need the cheap insurance).

My parents are ok financially and I live with them again after 10 years on my own. I have been a complete failure at intimate relationships, although since I've had my daughter I'm not too concerned about woman and the added stress and irrationality they generally bring.

I guess my problem is that i have felt useless for so long that I have just totally given up. I like to spend my days/nights getting wasted. I'll drink and smoke weed until I'm dizzy. I do take a week off here and there to make sure I don't have physical dependencies, but my preference is to not be sober. My brain haunts me when I am sober. I just don't care too much anymore, I'm not suicidal and most people think I'm the life off the party and care free. I'm not. I've just totally given up. I heard all the stories about Bill Gates, Micheal Jordan and Eieinstein all failing, blah blah. I'm not one of those guys. I'm probably just an unremarkable underachiever, that will be forgotten. I've made efforts to start companies, invest and job hunt. Nothing works out. Now I can't even try. I used to be in great shape, now i could care less about excersizing. I don't care if I have a "hot body". I'm just finding life to be a waste of time and without any reward. I have more than I deserve and I am a huge waste of talent and opportunity. I just can't even begin to get the motivation to make another attempt. And I know about successful people and their determination. I don't think i have that, because if I did I wouldn't be here crying like a wuss.

I don't know what I'm trying to say or what I want in terms of s response, but I guess I just find life to be a waste of time and most people are fooling themselves into believing that they hold some significance. I'm just under the assumption that i will slip through the cracks, live my life as a drunk and die a unremarkable death. I won't ever be broke or homeless, but ill most certainly be a dissapointment and a waste of talent.

I guess I've just accepted my fate. I'm not looking for sympathy, I despise that. I just needed to vent without worrying my family that I was going to blow my brains out. I won't.

Who knows what I just typed. Sorry if I sounded like a wimpy douche bag.