You seem rushed and confused in your writings, and the best thing to do is try to snap out of the depressive cycle. Even though you want to escape your mind, every exit you find will just be another entrance back into your mind, because the truth is that you can't escape it. Therefore you should try to make it as pleasant as it can be, I imagine life like a theater play, and when you have a depression you look past the characters and the beautiful scenery, even behind the curtain and see the dark stage with nothing on it, and you start to wonder what everyone finds so exciting about it. You start to think "what if this is all life is?", and the thoughts and reflections escalates and persists. You get so enthralled by this way of thinking, that even the most exciting and beautiful things you can imagine are torn apart by your reflective mind in a few moments instead of simply appreciating the beauty of things.
Therefore, you must turn these thoughts around, bend them to something pleasant, force them to your will. Sadly, this isn't something you're able to do on your own, but what you can do is to pick the phone up, call your doctor and ask for a time, and you tell your parents, and you tell your friends. There are people who can help. People who wanna help, so accept that help. That's the least you can do.