You've just got to do it. You've got to call the dr and get help. You've got to take a shower. You've got to eat. I have felt the same as you and I know there is a small reserve of energy hidden somewhere inside of you. You can die later. Right now you have to live. Keep the suicide hotline number close to the phone. Call the Dr.
You have a whole community here ready to give you support. You're not alone. We understand.
Please get the help you need.