So I'm back needing some opinions on something.

I posted a while back about my brother and SA when I was younger. The thread can be found here: http://forums.psychcentral.com/survi...g-out-now.html

I was finally able to confront my brother on the issue that went on from when I was a toddler until I was in the 7th grade. He finally was made to get help because my moms boyfriend noticed something was off. He started when he was around 4 and stopped when he was around 15. During the later years it was just small things, probably so I wouldn't tell my mom or anything I don't know. If you read the previous post you will understand it all.

In that post it has the conversation he and I had through email about everything. He told me what happened to him that caused him to take it out on me and a lot of other things. After the conversation I felt bad for him. My husband (just got married last week) insisted that my brother was trying to make me feel bad for him and didn't mean what he was saying and ultimately I asked my brother to not attend the wedding and am thankful for that.

But yesterday morning I received another email from my brother. It said:

"Mom Is heartbroken and the rest of the family wont talk to me since i wasnt there. I think you should at least help me think of an excuse before i call mom"

Already I didn't like the email, it seemed like he was putting the blame on me saying the least I could do was help him come up with an excuse. So I replied:

"Well I told them I was fine with it so there should be no reason why anyone would be upset. Just say you got called into work, ran out of gas, had troubles with your girlfriend, went to jail, flat tire, there are a ton of excuses you can use"

Well I went to my moms yesterday and casually asked her (she doesn't know about the abuse and I prefer it that way) if she was mad at my brother. I said "brother sent me and email apologizing for not being able to make it to the wedding" (he didn't apologize I was trying to come up with a way to find out) "and he said you are mad at him and none of the family is talking to him because he didn't go to the wedding" and she said no, that's not true. The last time she heard from him was the wedding day when she texted him asking if he was going to make it (I told him many times before the wedding to come up with an excuse) and his response was "Big problems" and that's it. She texted back asking what was going on and he never responded. She hasn't heard anything else from him and none of the family is mad. They are still talking to him.

So now I see his email was him trying to make me feel bad. He is trying to make me feel guilty for what he did, he is trying to make me feel guilty for my decision and he is trying to make me feel guilty about everything. I may be wrong but that's the way it seems to me.

So if he's trying to make me feel guilty it makes me wonder if there is any part of him that was sorry, any part of him that accepted the blame, any part of him that saw the wrong in his actions.

All of my past abusers made me feel like the abuse was my fault. I always felt guilty for what happened. In the last 3 years I have lost that guilt feeling and now know where the guilt is propperly placed, on the abusers and not me. I refuse to let another abuser make me feel guilty at all. Especially for making a decision to keep myself healthy both physically and emotionally on my wedding day.

If he's trying to make me feel guilty then I'm afraid I may never be able to be around my brother again. I had hopes that one day we would be able to be around eachother again, but if he doesn't see how I'm not the one to blame at all, he hasn't changed and I wont put myself through that or risk anything with my 5 year old daughter.

For those who have experienced confronting your abuser, what did their guilt trips on you mean to you? Do you believe it means they haven't changed? Do you believe they see nothing wrong in their actions? How would you take the emails?