Just checking in again - kinda nice to have a place to go.

I'm not doing super well today. Been a bit of a rough weekend, and I'm feeling pretty drained. I'm trying to do all the right things in terms of "getting better" - I'm getting outside, going for walks, spending time with people - and I can almost function like a normal human being when I do that. But I can only handle it for a little bit, and then as soon as I come back home, it's like I turn off the mask of happiness and I just crash. I have all these things I have to do, like do my taxes and my thesis, that just are not going to get done in time and will have major implications on my life. I feel like I need help in how to figure these things out, but every time I go to see my T, I'm too ashamed of how badly I've screwed everything up to tell her about it. I talk to her about how I'm feeling, but I mostly just avoid telling her about the consequences of that.

So, today I'm feeling really anxious and helpless and hopeless. I see my T on Thursday, which will be nice (she wants to see me every week until we end therapy in two months...which is also freaking me out!) but I have a million things to do between now and then and I really don't think I'm going to get them done. And I'm scared.