Here is the email when I confronted him and the exchange of emails discussing this, for anyone that doesn't want to skim through the other post

Me: I have been having a hard time dealing with things from the past. When you came back into town it caused an emotional breakdown. I spent years trying to ignore what happened when we were kids, trying to convince myself that it was just a dream so when you came back I nearly had a nervous breakdown. It was bad.
I think mentally it would be best for me if I could have some distance. And unfortunately that would include the wedding. I can't have reminders of the past I'm trying to overcome on the day I'm starting my future.
I'm sure you know what I'm talking about and I don't want to cause a riff in the family so I'd prefer you make up an excuse for not attending the wedding so we don't have to go into details with everyone or anyone.
If you haven't gone to therapy for this since high school I'd suggest going to therapy. It really helps put everything into perspective

I hate to go over all of this when you're in such a bad place and I'm sorry you're going through so much, but unfortunately things are bad mentally for me right now and I've really got to look out for my mental state for Elaines sake at least

Him: Yea Ben made me do things.when he taped it. I tried.to ignore it All these years, I respect your.decision
I've wanted to talk about it because I was young too and I got beat for it. I didn't know what was happening. I'm ****ed up over.this.for 20 years
And he used.to kiss me.in my room
I won't ever come.around you, mom or.Brian again

Him: Do you want to talk about.it before you cut. Me out of your life?

Me: I need time to process what you said in the first post. What do you mean? What happened with Ben and a camera?

Him: Everything stopped when he left
I don't know if there was a camera
But he would watch movies
Then tell me what was happening
I went to therapy when mom net Gabe

Me: What did Ben do? I remember the therapy but what exactly would Ben do?

Him: For 20 years I tried.to pretend.it was fake
When you just messages be it.became real
I can't even kiss my own kids

Me: Well what did Ben do?

Him: It was Gale too

Me: I'm sorry to be so blunt, I've only started dealing with this this past year after I had the seizure. I haven't said anything to mom or Brian, you don't need to stay away from them, that's not my purpose in bringing this up. I just need to work through it on my own, it's been hard just to admit it

Him: Yea I'm damaged.too
But.not.like you
Ben wasn't.the.worst
Gale was

Me: We all are pretty screwed up, if you need time to think about it before you say what happened that's fine. I just need some time too to process everything

Him: I was like six and started doing what was done to be
Me
Well I'm not a monster
I'm not deranged
I know what's right and wrong

Me: I kinda figured that. Kids do what they see or experience

Him: When I knew what was wrong it ended
That's why I alienate myself

Me: The issue isn't that, the reason I need space is I need to deal with it on my time and when you came back it brought on everything I've been trying to ignore and I need to be able to deal with it on my time and not so fast

Him: I really wanted to come to your wedding but I understand completely

Me: Did mom know? When you went to therapy did she know why?

Him: Hell no
I just wanted to end my life
I started.eating glass

Me: I didn't think so and I'd rather she not, she would more than likely blame herself

Him: Yes she already blames herself

Me: Have you considered going back to therapy and telling them about it? It really helps.

Him: No. I have issues.from war that are worse
I mean
Physical damage

Me: Therapy can help with both, I went from February to October and am finally able to confront the issues.

Him: You talking.to me took a lot.of courage

Me: What all did Ben and Gale do to you? I don't recall Gale. Did Ben know about everything too

Him: Ben watched after he made me watch porn with him

Me: I don't remember Ben being around

Him: With Gale all I remember is it being dark and my whole body felt like it was on fire
He shoved socks in ny mourn
Mouth
I never sleep with the lights.off anymore

Me: I don't even remember Gale. Just what I've heard and he was a piece of crap

Him: Ben was there at Blaire apartments
So was Gale, before Ben
There was another.brick apartment before th at

Me: I remember him being there I just don't remember him being around the other instances.
We lived in Twin Oaks after Blaire apartments but I think we lived with Grandma before Blaire Apartments

Him: I don't remember anything about grandmas

Me: Mom told me we lived with her after she left Dad until we moved to Blaire I think. Ben showed up at Blaire Apts, I have a really good memory just not when it comes to what we are discussing or Bens beatings. But I remember enough to know what happened wasn't right

Him: Ben didn't just beat
I know it wasn't right and I don't know what happened to cause it. I was so young that I was prematurely exposed and all I remember is a closet, a sock, crying and fire
I don't remember my childhood and. I think it's better that way
I could never understand.what you're going through
But I won't be at the wedding. I'll give it a year before I visit.mom

Me: Visit mom and Brian, neither of them know (I don't think Brian knows) and it's likely best that way. Don't exclude yourself from the family, I just need some time to process everything, I spent the lat 15-20 years trying to ignore it and am finally confronting it, I need time to deal with it at my pace

Me: I'd really suggest therapy as well, it's not good to ignore the problems, they don't go away and just make things much worse and much more difficult to deal with later on
I appreciate your understanding and admitting it

Him: It wasn't 15 years.ago though
That would make me 13
I was in highschool

Me: I don't remember when it was, when it started stopped or anything like that. I just remember that it happened

Him: This was in.elementsry

Me: In Main St it happened though, that's all I remember time wise

Him: No
No
Not.Main St

Me: And Ben was there in Main St too, most of the time in Main St

Him: I remember remnants
I don't remember if Main St because I was with sarah and elizabeth
It was the trailer before that

Me: THe one time I remember the most was Main St and being in my bedroom, that's the only time I remember somewhat clearly.

Him: Ok I'm sorry. I just don't remember that

Me: Grandmas was the only trailor we lived in before Main St, she moved into a trailer by Twin Oaks though when we lived at Twin Oaks for a few months

Him: It was a trailer with.Ben
We played.sega
Had a christmas

Me: I'm pretty sure the only trailer we lived in with Ben was Main St. We got the Sega in Main St, the nintendo at Blaire Apts
No,, Twin Oaks for the Nintendo
OK I was right the first time, Blaire for the Nintendo, I get the names mixed up. We moved to Main St though when I was 7
Or 6, but the second grade

Him: You remember a lot more th an me

Me: I have a really good memory, just not when it comes to certain things, I realized when I was much older I had blackouts during this time. I don't remember all of the first grade, the same year Ben moved in

Him: I didn't know what I was doing
When we left Main St I turned to drugs
It made me forget
Because I did not want to do those things

Me: I turned to drinking, but nothing fixes the problem unless you confront it head on

Him: I don't want us to never have a relationship .... But i.will wait 100 years.if you need.to

Me: Just consider therapy, and when I'm at a better place I'll leet you know if I'm ready to deal with it more, but right now I need to go at my own pace. Don't cut out mom or Brian. Thank you for understanding

Him: Ok