I can relate to your letter. Sometimes I am filled with self hatred and it is uncontrollable and debilitating. I found that when I have the strength I can fight it. I can think of good things about myself and treat myself kindly. I sometimes have to tell myself I am not an awful person and deserve to feel good about myself. Sometimes it is too hard and I go into full self hate mode, self injruy, have a lot of negative self talk etc.

I just suggest thinking about some of the things you said and evaluating them to see if they have any merit. Sometimes I have a really bad body image and I call myself fat and disgusting and get the urge to starve myself. I have to challange those thoughts and tell myself I am not that way, and that starving myself won't make things better. If I want to be skinnier proper diet and exercise is the healthy approach and I don't deserve to be starved. I hope this helps.