thank you Spondiferous,

they are so called 'friends', i have no family contact at all, and only a hand full of friends, most are 'too busy' the rest let me down every time i ask so am totally on my own in the world. if i want something doing i have to do it myself or live without it being done.
you can be surrounded by friends but still be lonely if the friends are superficial or takers. I am not good at making friends as i find it hard to trust especially as all the friends i have had run a mile when i asked for help. i lost most when my partner was dying, the rest when i was first unable to walk so the ones i have are fairly new and are just out for me to help them with their problems. everyone sees me as a person who can stand on her own two feet and copoe with everything, only i can't even sit up unsupported and really would love someone to help me cope with things, i don't think i am asking for much, just a little help to get things i can't reach and take them my unadapted stairs for me.
the plan was a friend help me get some junk downstairs so the carer i have coming on Wednesday can do a dump run, only now i have a carer coming (who i still have to pay) and no junk ready for the dump. I know it seems trivial, but i need to get rid of the junk before my house can be adapted, until it is i have to pull myself up 15 steep stairs backwards to reach my bed and my loo/bathroom. i have been doing this every night for five years and my arms are really hurting and i am fed up having to do this. ultimately I just want my home safe for me to move around is that too much to want.
I suppose the saying i heard so often as a child 'I want never gets' is true!