Kris,

I'm sorry that happened to you at Bingo. I only have very mild social anxiety, but I have always had a fear of being embarrassed in a group. One time I was out to dinner with people my age (30's) and people of retirement age, and I was doing well through the whole night. After dessert, the waitress brought the bill and somehow it got handed to me (no idea why... cruel trick from the Universe...) and I had to try to figure out what everyone owed. I'm terrible at math and I started having a panic attack right there at the table. I didn't know what to do and I know I had the oddest look on my face. I tried to give the bill to my husband (a math wiz) but he wasn't understanding what was happening to me and he kept telling me I could do it. Finally out of sheer desperation, I flung the bill at him and said angrily, "You do it-- PLEASE." All eyes were on me and everything got really quiet. People didn't understand what I was feeling and some comments were made that caused me even more embarrassment. It was one of the worst moments of my life. I wanted to crawl under the table and melt into the carpet, never to be seen again. And the worst part was, I didn't know at the time that what I was experiencing was social anxiety so I couldn't explain it to my husband or my friends at the table. I felt so alienated and stupid and freakish.... then I went into self-loathing mode because all I ever wanted to be was strong and confident. And most of the time I can pull it off in social situations. I'm funny, somewhat articulate, fairly interesting, etc. But it can turn on a dime and I'm tongue tied and blushing, my heart beating wildly, unable to make eye contact and feeling like a complete idiot. I hate when it happens and I don't know how to prevent it.

What has everyone's experience been with using anti-anxiety drugs?

Hugs, Kris. I hope you can enjoy Bingo soon (and win!). Maybe repeating a mantra in your head while you take deep breaths will help. Something like: we are all the same. we are all the same. we are all the same.... or: I am strong, I am valid. That has helped me in recent situations to have confidence and avoid embarrassment.

Hope everyone is having a nice holiday weekend.

-k.