Sometimes I imagine myself falling and falling forever down that hole... I am so sorry you are in so much pain. I want to tell you I relate, but I don't know if someone else can really relate to the pain another person is feeling...I guess maybe empathize is more accurate. I do know so much about what depression and anxiety feel like; they are my deep, dark, black rabbit hole. I am sorry I can't say much to help, but not doing so great myself. Stay strong.