riotgrrrl,
Yes, I'm like yourself, in the notion of not getting to that point, and saying, you want me, sort out your desire or non-desire in your marriage, first. Because, I find that it's true that married men who want affairs, cannot handle confrontation. And because they cannot handle confrontation, they walk a thin line. Who really wants someone, who cannot seem to make a concrete decision. Truly, the main issue lies with the one pursuing the affair. Of course, all parties play a role, but my mom once gave advice to a friend, who then shared that with me, when I had a heart to heart with her, grappling with, do I or don't I go down that road((Hey, these opportunities do present themselves to many, and it's just a reality of life, frankly, it seems like it's something that seems commonplace. The advice, was, it's a hard road to lead. I will not judge you, if you do, it's just a really hard road to be on.))
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Dolly, I am sorry to read that he did this to you. There you were, trying to take the high road, as the other woman..not being demanding, whereas some are demanding, and what does he turn around and do. Makes excuses, then almost wham, bam, thank you ma'am, I can't do this anymore. Rude!
My mom's friend, had suggested, the better course of action was to set a time frame, for them to take that leap, of divorce. Because, if they wouldn't take that leap, they'd feel in control of you. They can walk all over you, in essence. Hence, my own point of view, similar to riotgrrrl's.
I hope you are able to take some time, and do like riotgrrrl suggests, and take some time to just be yourself and do the things you enjoy, being single again.!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by riotgrrrl
Without sounding harsh, I think that's the line that most married men spin when having an affair. I've heard it twice, and a friend of mine was told the exact same thing - she for a couple of years before it all ended when the wife found out.
Luckily for me, when I became attached to them, really thinking that I would like to be with them (without being physical at all) I said to them to sort themselves out, and then perhaps look me up when they are single again. I never heard another thing from either of them. Funny that.
I am not trying to tell you off, when it comes to matters of the heart we can most certainly ignore our heads. It also can become exciting, addictive and with real highs and lows. Highs when you get to see each other, and lows when you realise you cant call them at an hour of need because they are at the marital home. Its a strange relationship to have, and you did right to ask him to sort his end out - it may have just saved you of years of this and broken promises. I am not shocked with the outcome tho.
I guess you not feeling so emotional maybe because on a level you knew it may not end up as a happy ever after? It's not a conventional relationship so I am guessing that you had this at the back of your mind. I wouldn't worry about your reaction, but I would give yourself some TLC and some time out. Just see friends, try to have some fun, and try and put him behind you. I hope you meet someone else who values you properly (and not part-time) and that you can just chalk it down to experience.
Hugs.
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