I had a great day with my students today. After all that laundry, I just wanted to stay in bed, but 1st graders as a pick-me-up are so much better than a stiff drink.

I saw my therapist today, and we had another great session - progress, every interaction with her. And, on my own.

I thought my yawning, and sleepiness was because she didn't see me yesterday - the jealous sibling. "You wanted to see me, and I refused." Her words not mine. I told her I felt okay with her saying NO. After exploring things with me it turned out to be three things, but mostly be about how I see housework - punishment for my sex. Three brothers, and me the only girl forced me to do what my parents saw as 'women's work. Even though my brothers were taught to do women's work they were also expected to do outside work - I was not allowed. My dad did teach me eventually to change a tire, and the oil by nagging him. My three brothers still have no idea how to change a tire, and they don't do housework, and very little yard work - hire someone. None of us no how to cook. We've all moved up since the sixties, and seventies. Except, my fortunes fell after my divorce, and I've never really adjusted.

Fast forward with my own teenager. I used to do everything or hire someone when I could, but he became a proverbial slob, and doesn't even bus his dishes anymore without a reminder. I refuse to pickup after him. Then our house looks like a cyclone. The kid is stubborn, and waits me out mostly. We're still working on this.

The other part of being sleepy was avoiding writing to important letters - my fear of writing. Today, I did ask another teacher to help me - before I saw my therapist.

The third part is what kind of relationship I want to have, and will have with my therapist when therapy is over; friend or life time therapist? If I decide on friendship there is no going back.

This all led to the Need for too many ZZZZzzzzz.

The worry about the future relationship we figured out is tied to old, old stuff: will I be accepted,will the friendship be one-sided, etc. - am I enough?