I feel you. I went through the midlife thing a while back, where you look back over your life and regret all the things that could have been and weren't. There were no expectations or guidance for me either. I took decades to realize that I had any value at all.

So what's the alternative at this point? Going down the Buddha path is working for me. The past is gone; what matters is now and so on. Feel free to message me if you want to discuss it some more.