Every night for the past week, I've been unable to sleep due to anxiety. I have reason to be anxious about a lot of things; one is the expense of living in a mountain tourist town. Another is finding a place of my own - again, because this is a mountain tourist town, housing is really diffiuclt to find. Yet another is finding the doctors I need up here - I am very concerned about my thyroid and mental health issues, because I strongly feel that some changes in my medication are necessary right now. But this town does not have an endocrinologist, and they only have a psychiatrist from Boulder who comes to this town occasionally to see patients. Due to the accident I had a few weeks ago, I am still without a car (although they tell me at the collision center that it should be readty tomorrow). Everyone up here has been wonderfully kind about taking me to/from work, to/from the store, etc., but there's no denying that I am longing for my own mode of transport again. I haven't had a car for two weeks now, and in this area, it is a real inconvenience.

And finally, there's the underlying fear, needling away at me constantly - I am not a people person by nature. People frighten me and upset me. Yet. I am working in a people-oriented job. I realize it isn't an optimal situation, but frankly, ALL the jobs I could apply for demanded that you be a people person. The only jobs I am qualified for are in retail and hospitality. I honestly feel like, in this society, it is considered a crime to be uncomfortable around people. It certainly makes it very difficult to find work. So, as we get into the busy season here, how long will I be able to pretend that I like people? My supervisors seem to think I am doing a good job, but I am not so sure.

So, every night, when I have nothing else to think about, all these thoughts and fears come creeping into my mind. Maybe I should just give up and accept myself as the failure I know I am, deep down.