Sorry you feel that way...I feel that way a lot of times but just the fact that you are taking the time to write it all down at times seems like its worth a try to find a way out. I know that it seems so hard and overpowering. I remember last week I was taking a shower and wished that I could go down the drain with the soapy water and maybe that might feel better than going on for another day. But afterwards I came and wrote out how I felt and a lot of people responded and just by the fact that they cared enough to respond made me feel better. Please give it a chance. Talk to us and let us share our pain together. Depression is like a cloud that just hangs over your head...it never rains...has no lighting...it just hovers and makes everything so dreary. But at times that cloud can be brushed away. If you hold your breath and blow hard enough that cloud will shift and drift apart. Take care.