Thank you all for your replies!

The diagnosis is in fact epilepsy and not DID, I'm assuming DID gets ruled out in this case but I don't know. Many of the blackouts thought to have been DID are now being suggested as seizures.

There is no doubt still that I black out during high abuse times, but if I turn into another personality or just black it out is the question. Something always felt off about the DID diagnosis, 12 years and I was never fully able to accept it as my diagnosis. It just didnt feel right.

I would file a complaint I just dont know where to start. My last t is the only one in my state that I have seen, he's the one who kept saying I would never have a seizure again, they were psuedo seizures and if a part didn't come forward he would be forced to have me diagnosed as schizophrenia. I know I need more therapy now though.

I have bad anxiety and this new diagnosis is making things difficult. After my drop seizure in May I went to therapy strictly because of the anxiety of it. They assured me I would no longer have seizures and that my biggest concern was DID. So months were spent trying to break into the DID and work on the DID, when I would bring up my anxiety and things about my past abuse that got resurfaced he would sit there and say "We don't have time to talk about the weather, we need to get your parts to come out and get the ball rolling" it was a complete waste. I could tell if I did have parts that they weren't coming out around him at least. He'd even mentioned how it would be convenient if something triggered me into dissociating. I stopped going to him because of all of this.

But at the clinic I was seen at, when I first started there they said they didn't like to change your therapist. If you had a problem with them to talk to them about it and work it out. So I just stopped therapy all together. I got some good advice from him on occassion but some of the things he said made me think twice about him. Like when he got a phone call from the front desk. One of his patients was there and he says on the phone "What the he!!, it's not like there is anything I can do for him!" then he gets off the phone with me and is all frustrated and says the patient is a parapalegic from an accident a year ago and that there was nothing he could do to make the patient better mentally. He'd also discuss other patients and their diagnosis (he wouldn't give names but gave great descriptions of the patients to where I'd recognized his favorite person to talk about) and personal things about them.

That clinic though is the only one I can afford so I can't very well go back to therapy right now, I wont go back into his room and I can't change therapists so I'm stuck without therapy. I've been doing alright on my own though.

All this time and energy spent on the wrong diagnosis which ended up making things worse. Around 20 years of undiagnosed epilepsy (if I got it from the accident which is what they are guessing since my blackouts started a couple weeks later and I did hit my head during the accident) and the last 12 years with the wrong diagnosis. I've been in and out of doctors and psychs with the same symptoms and was going crazy because they would always pick and choose which symptoms they wanted to focus on and leave the rest out. When it turns out epilepsy covers the majority of my symptoms and even some I didn't realize were symptoms. Like my visual distortions. Psych docs said they were hallucinations but they weren't and I knew they weren't. I just thought they were a trick of the eyes or something. But often I see things breathing, I see lines get longer, I see patterns crawl, I don't see things that aren't real, I just see minor movement in things that are there, yet the psych docs said I was having hallucinations. But they are "visual distortions" that are directly related to seizures in my case.

You would have thought someone would have sent me to get some kind of brain scans before putting me on handfuls of medication at 15 years old, but I guess it makes their job more interesting and gives them brownie points or something if they have some rare off the wall disorder.

One good thing that came from it, I've met many kind wonderful DID patients (some who the doctors don't believe they have DID because they don't believe DID exists) and can really sympathize with them and understand the disorder so much more than I ever would have. It's crazy how so many doctors don't even believe DID is real yet with me they all were convinced I had it and it could be nothing else.