It's been a while. Doubt anyone missed me.

Not sure where this will go, but just to be safe, TRIGGER

I'm crashing. Hard. I am miserable. All I do is get mad, mostly at my girlfriend. It's usually over something stupid, like hearing her chew, or her being on her phone while I'm driving. It makes me so mad and blows up into something bigger. The other day I took things too far...I told her to kill herself again...then punched her. I still feel sick over it, I know she deserves better...I would fall apart if she left but at times I wish she would. I don't want her to have to deal with me, she has her own issues and doesn't need my crap.

I feel like I'm just going to lose it. I'm feeling super unstable right now, thoughts racing...emotions changing more often than a traffic light. I think I'm safe, for the most part l don't have any urges to do anything really. My scars make me sad, I worry people will judge. But it's effing warm so tshirts are a must. I want to sleep, I'm drained and can't function. My stomach is in knots, and everything hurts. I just want to go home and lay in bed and sleep, and just ignore the world. I like sleep because the world doesn't really exist and I can escape me when I'm sleeping. I don't like me. So sleep is good.