Yeah, it's too bad it has to be either or, all or nothing, my way or the highway. It makes you wonder if ANY families have a more normal relationship, where they don't have to give up everything of who they are just to be in it. I'm sorry, I can't really help. I got out. Too late, but I did get out. And I'm sooooo glad I did. It basically comes down to, do you really want to let a crazy person run your life? ? If your mother has these limitations, fine; but don't subject yourself and your children and your family to them. Straight out say to her, "I'm sorry if you can't understand the logic or reasoning here but this is how its gonna be from now on." She's not going to want to admit she IS stupid; she's just playing stupid as lng as it gets her what she wants. If she really IS stupid, again, are you going to live DOWN to her limitations? How do you explain that to yourself? I'm not particularly religious, but it's the parable of the talents - you can't bury your talents because you're scared; you were given this understanding, you have to use it. I try to live by this. Try, not always succeed!