I'm sorry you are feeling like this :/ I could have written this post myself. Is there something that you do enjoy or something you do find happiness in? I know what you mean in terms of feeling mad at yourself or getting someone else mad at you. It sometimes feels like you can't win, right?

I find that if I can do something that I used to, or have enjoyed in the past...like spending time with my dog, I find it refocuses myself. I still find that I question the point to things, my purpose for being here, etc....but sometimes it just makes me feel better, even if it's only a tiny bit.

I hope this helps. Are you talking to someone?