Disclosure: Sorry about the TMI but its necessary to explain!
I am a 24 year old female who has a history of depression and anxiety. In fact, that's originally why I joined this forum last year. However, with some serious life changes I have overcome most of my depression and anxiety. I have gotten off all medication except the occasional xanax (maybe once a month). So basically this is the happiest AND healthiest I've been in years. The only thing health wise I continue to struggle with is chronic bacterial vaginosis. It is not an STD, but like a yeast infection that keeps coming back. Symptoms are discharge, odor and cramps. Some days are better than others symptom-wise, but I never had a strong odor before and recently I did. It has made sex an issue in past relationships, but overall every guy has been understanding and still just as sexually attracted to me... Sorry about TMI but it plays a role here!
On March 17th I met someone who I had a very strong connection with. We pretty much fell in love instantly and have spent every weekend and some weekdays together since then. We had sex more than once and it was always enjoyable but I did notice he was not very assertive...in fact, the guy (who is 29 years old) did NOTHING more to me than vaginal intercourse. No touching, oral, foreplay, nada! Also, I started noticing MY BV symptoms which created an odor during sex that was embarrassing but not overwhelming but still made me wonder if he noticed. So one night when we began intercourse, he suddenly went limp and I instantly assumed it was me. We talked about it and I mentioned my issues (for the first time) and how it made me feel so he wouldn't feel so embarrassed about not being able to perform. I tried to give him oral, which I've always enjoyed and he stopped me claiming he "wasn't into that" because he had it engraved in his mind that it was "degrading to women." This not only shocked me but kind of upset me...I enjoy doing it so why can't he? How can I please him if sex isn't working? Since then, sex has been pretty close to non existent. Since it's only been a month of dating I got really concerned about this and told him that. As a 24 year old female no longer on medication, my libido is strong but not crazy. We would hang out for 5 days and maybe have sex once. It got to the point where I had to tell him that I care deeply for him, but that my needs are not being met and that concerns me this early on in a relationship. I know he has had girlfriends before and slept with women (including me!) so I know he isn't fully impotent. However, he does smoke marijuana on a daily basis and this could play a role although I have NEVER met a man who had trouble because of that.
So after countless efforts to be "sexy" and clean "down there" with no advances or responses to my advances, I told him it had to change. I said if he can't sleep with me more we need to reevaluate our relationship and maybe take a step back. Since I connect with him so much spiritually I'm not about to tell him off...rather I am willing to work on any solution...but he HAS TO TRY...Since then he has not and I told him I wasn't comfortable being solely exclusive with someone who couldn't be intimate with me...This was yesterday. He then told me he didn't become sexually active till he was 20 and knew very little about sex and sexual health because he was home-schooled and never took a sex ed class. However, he has slept with 5 women and had sexual relationships with all of them. He also told me he didn't have this problem with any of them...
I need advice! I have the capacity to love the man but I have a strong sex drive and don't know how I can be with someone who doesn't either...
THANK YOU THANK YOU!