I am so alone and so depressed. I just had an argument with my husband. The one who is supposed to be my friend. Huh, what a joke. I just can't believe how alone I am. The sad part is he was so hurtful to me. We have some issues that we deal with, he was divorced with two children for four years before we met. The children are teenagers now and are so disrespectful to both of us it has been difficult but I deal with it because of how I feel for my husband. But they only talk to us when they need money. They hate us and they have been poisoned by their mom, but they also hate our children. It's pretty sad actually. In any event I have thrown so much under the rug that I just can't take it anymore. Especially since my husband is so adamant about not having a relationship with my mother anymore. I mean he has no understanding. I have my own issues with her. They are my issues with her and I have to learn to deal with them. He should be understanding like I am with him about his life but he isn't. Is that wrong that I ask that of him? My husband was so nasty with me tonight. He got so loud and mean. I try to be so strong but I usually run into a closet and cry my eyes out. I feel so weak. I know this is not healthy for the baby and my health issues but I just don't know what to do anymore. I am absolutely alone. I have asked him over the years to go see a therapist because of the issues we deal with but he refuses and says he doesn't believe in any of them. He won't budge. I know we need one because I just can't keep this up anymore. I mean I try and speak to him but he just makes fun of me and says that all I do is ***** and complain. He even had the nerve to say tonight that I am just like my mother and that he was actually happy we were not speaking to each other. I mean how cruel can he be?
He yelled at me so loud tonight and stood up in front of me saying that no one will ever speak to him that way like my mother did or anyone else, but yet he takes the crap from his ex and kids and I just have to sit back and take it to? It's unfair. I feel betrayed, unloved, alone, mentally and physically exhausted. The funny thing is he is so much like my mother. He won't speak to me now for a few days. I didn't do anything but ask him why he didn't tell me that he promised to give his older son money for a camp for a week. I would never say not to do it but all I asked him was why he didn't tell me and then he said, I earn it and I can do what I want with it. He is so hurtful at times. I am so beside myself right now. I have a doctors appt tomorrow morning and hopefully I will get some good news with the last screening tests I had for the baby. That will put my mind at ease but I really can't stomach any of this. I'm totally lost. I want to take my children and run so far away from everything. I really wish I could.