Quote:
Originally Posted by Lonely_Heart
I tried to give him oral, which I've always enjoyed and he stopped me claiming he "wasn't into that" because he had it engraved in his mind that it was "degrading to women."
with no advances or responses to my advances
, I told him it had to change. I said if he can't sleep with me more we need to reevaluate our relationship and maybe take a step back. Since I connect with him so much spiritually I'm not about to tell him off...rather I am willing to work on any solution...but he HAS TO TRY...Since then he has not and I told him I wasn't comfortable being solely exclusive with someone who couldn't be intimate with me...This was yesterday. He then told me he didn't become sexually active till he was 20 and knew very little about sex and sexual health because he was home-schooled and never took a sex ed class. However, he has slept with 5 women and had sexual relationships with all of them. He also told me he didn't have this problem with any of them...
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So he is being selective in how he obtains and treats sexual health information.
He claims having been shortchanged by homeschooling - he did not get sex ed classes while his public school peers did. That, apparently, somehow disadvantaged him for life...
OK.
Where did he get the thing about the women being degraded by fellatios then? Through being home schooled?
So he has somehow managed to obtain one-sided and biased view on sex and is now using this view in an effort to undermine you: he did not even appreciate your taking the initiative.
That is what it seems to be, on the surface.
All of it is not good for you, in many ways. You fought hard for your current state of wellness, and you should not be undermined. That he is neither actively pursuing you nor even responding to your advances undermines you. This is not good. In addition, the bacterial problem makes life especially difficult for you, so you really do not need MORE difficulties related to sex - you already have MORE than an average woman has and do not need yet more and more.
The only thing that is unclear to me is how he identifies the problem. He said that with the former 5 women he did not have the problem. So he sees that there is a problem, but I am not clear how he identifies is - what is the problem, in his mind? I definitely side with you on your impressions and views, but I am unclear on what he sees as "the problem".
It also seems to me that you are making a concession to him by being exclusive. It is one thing to be madly in love with a guy and want to be sexually exclusive with him just because you simply do not want to be with any other guy. That is OK, because it is not a concession. In your case, you sort of make a concession to him and resent having to make that concession, so I wonder if you could both step back and continue some contact without restricting yourselves with regards to other opportunities. I think that you would resent him less if you were not making the concession.