Quietgrace,

That's an interesting way of looking back upon your life.

I do understand what you're saying ~ about outgrowing your family and feeling sad. I can relate. My immediate and extended family is sick as well. It has taken me a long time to truly understand how I was continuing to allow myself to be hurt or scared by/for others. That was my motivation for almost everything that happened in my childhood through early adulthood.

A couple of years ago, I finally gathered the strength that I needed to stand alone. It wasn't an easy task for me, but I believe that it was necessary ~ to help me gain a better understanding of myself at first, and now it's a tool to help me feel safe. I do occasionally let my walls down a little, to let only my parents enter my world a bit now. I'm not ready or willing to allow the others back in my world. But, it is a rare event nowadays. I'm no longer riding my mom's seesaw of emotions...I have my own to deal with! I really need that space to allow myself to think and feel ____ without a fight ensuing.

It has taken me a couple of years to reach this spot in my life. I am kind of a slow learner though. Hopefully, you shall reach this point more quickly. I wish you the very best! Take care