so sorry it is so bad for you.

Looks like you learned a bad relationship pattern and are repeating it over and over with the most important persons in your life.

I know we all make mistakes (mother, husband) but it seems to me, from what you write, that you cannot, you know not how to protect yourself. But you should, you positively should.

Leave the husband to his problems and take care of yourself. Physically, emotionally, the best you can.
I would look for some therapist who could help you see you behavioral patterns from the outside and, in time, learn how to change them.

I am really sorry that you hurt so much, but you write as if you are not able to change the situation. You describe yourself as the victim of both your mother's and husband's ways.
But you couldn't be a victim, unless you put yourself in that situation.
I understand that you don't do it on purpose, you just learned that way to cope with the ones you love the most, but what you write should tell you that the way you respond to them puts you into trouble.

You still write picturing yourself as a victim and, belive me or not, it is this that is hurting you most. The idea of your powerlessness. But you have power, you do have it. The only thing is tha tyou give out your power to husband / mother and then resent it when they use it badly.

You should take your own power into your own hands and then learn not to give it out to anyone anymore.

Husband and mother are not perfect, they may have big flaws, but if you are in this pain it is because you gave them too much power.

This is the moment to reshape yourself, your life, your well being, your ideas of what loving and being loved means.
Please do not be discouraged: once you find yourself, you will be in the best company ever and that company will never desert you. But you cannot put your life into other people's hands anymore, because you see that they don't do good things with it.

Take the necessary strength from your children, who deserve a happy mother.