Bonnie you are so right. My husband is so much like my mother in many ways. He would never admit that, but its true. In our relationship I deal with things the same way I have dealt with issues with my mom. If my husband and I argue I try and ignore the bad and just go with it to have some sort of peace and harmony in the house. Mostly for my children, but sometimes it's just easier for me. I feel like such a coward. I am the same with my mom. I try to avoid the conflict if there was any and pretend envying is ok. I know it was not healthy but I did it because I knew that In my mind things would be ok that way. Maybeminwas being selfish, but i felt like i was being a better person. Unfortunately, I have gone on for so long walking on eggshells for everyone thang I forgot who the heck I am. Now as ridiculous as this must sound, I don't know what to do about it. I don't know how to act or behave anymore. I don't want to be a mouse any longer, but I don't know how to change.
I have put myself in these positions, I know that. I want things to be better for everyone but I guess I'm afraid of losing what matters to me. Just like I was so afraid of losing the relationship with my mom. T tell you the truth, last night after the argument with my husband, I almost felt like I hated him. Never felt that way before. I felt resentment because it was him that had the fight with my mom and essentially in my mind ruined our relationship. Now I know I have my own things to deal with in how my mother treats me but I would have never behaved that way to my husbands mother. I would have just sucked it up and said to myself, this is his mother and he can deal with her. Instead my husband caused world war three. Now I don't even have communication with my dad. Ugh, life...
My children are my life. I don't know how to behave around them either because I want them to see I can be strong and not take any bs from anyone.
I would love to see a therapist. I always have wanted to talk to someone about everything but I'm sure fs would be a big fight with my husband, even if I just went. I don't think he understands things like this. It's also hard because I know there is a baby on the way, and sometimes financially things are tight since we pay so much in child support a month for his children, and all the other amenities of life.