I've seen some people around that are really sensitive to meds, I feel like I'm such a lost cause because I've been on around 15 different medications, all usually with far too intolerable side effects or they just don't do anything. The most recent is Abilify which I only had 2.5mg over 2 nights, had the terrible restlessness, worse insomnia, shakes, could barely stand. Saw my pdoc and she gave me Lorazepam to settle it but doesn't know where to go next. I know I have worse reactions with the more 'stimulating' ones, but I feel at a loss.

She's mentioned mood stabalisers but because of my hypersensitivity is unsure. Even talks about having me unmedicated. I've been that bad lately that I pretty much want to die every day. I haven't given up but so much of me wants to. I don't want to go back to self medicating with opiates which she knows about, but it's the only thing that has numbed my moods enough in the past to keep me going.

Sorry for the long post, I just need some support and maybe some ideas of other meds that won't be as brutal. The worst SE's I've had were Saphris, Abilify, Zoloft, Lexapro, Efexor (after years of it helping it became too much) plus another bunch of anti d's. Benzo's are helpful but only in the short term and I don't want to be an addict.