Don't be too hard on yourself!! You learnt a coping strategy and replied that behavior over and over again.
What you decided long time ago, about how to deal with people, it does not come from your weakness but from your wise part, who could 'read' you mother's requests and worked out a good way to get along with her.

Give yourself time and trust so that you can change those old decisions you made and you will be fine.

You are not being ridiculous at all: i experienced that too! I also had a difficult parent to put up with and I moulded my behavior to other people following those decisions, took too long ago for me to remember.

I know money can be an issue, but you must remember that spending money on your health and well-being comes first.
You don't need to tell your husband what that money is about. You might want to tell him that it's for a 'doctor' and that will not be too big of a lie.

You feel so lonely because you are not there for you and you hoped that the loves of your live would do the job.
I thought so too, but now i know better.
And you must know better for your children too.

You have a right to be well, to do what you think right and not to think so much about what mother / husband think of you.

I would concentrate on you, not others.
See how much you talk about mother and / or husband? How about you? What are the things you really want?

Don't be hard on yourself!
Start loving yourself 'just the way you are'. If other people would not love you enough, you will do it!
We will do it

Think about your new baby and your born ones too. Picture yourself and them in places of happiness and sun. It is not idle, i promise. It will give you hope and will calm down your worst pains and fears.

May I ask you something? could you please change your status into 'hopeful'?
Take good care of yourself. Your life is in your hands and we are here to help you.