Quote:
Originally Posted by shezbut
(((Adam)))
I recall your posts in another section of this site a couple (or few??) months ago, and I've got to say that I am concerned about you. Within a relatively short amount of time, you've found out that your wife has cheated online twice now. Before you even knew about that, something about a lack of connection between yourself and your wife was hounding you emotionally.
I think that it's good you are seeing a T. I hope that it's helping you work through your emotions and thoughts more clearly...making you look at your position in life with better understanding. It sounds as though you are spending a lot of time trying to figure things out between your wife and yourself, and I give you kudos for that!
I don't want to sway you either stay or go ~ I want you to do what you feel is right for you. But, try to back up a little bit and look at the entire situation with a wise mind. (A combination of emotional and reasonable mind) Write out a list of pros and cons of the issue/s haunting you. Talk with your T about how you feel from that point and try to determine what the "wise thing" to do is. Are you hurting yourself by staying in the marriage? Are you hurting your wife? What is really the most important factor/s to you?
In my experience, breaking the distress situation down as much as possible (without going too far & simply complicating matters) really helps a person figure out what the right thing is for them to do & feel better about their situation. It may not be an easy task, but you will feel better once you do it! The dread will no longer have that power over you (which is a great relief).
I hope that my post helps you challenge yourself to look at things from a more clear perspective and make the wise decision/s that you need to make to relieve the stress that you feel inside.   |
I don't think I am hurting my wife by staying. I mean I'm not yelling at her or anything like that. Last night after work I just went home and went to sleep. I was feeling really depressed and didn't have the energy do to anything. I just wanted to be alone and recharge. I only said a couple of words to her when I got home. I took my insomnia meds and went upstairs and watched some Netflix on my phone until I feel asleep. She came upstairs because she was concerned about me. I just said I felt negative about everything and wanted to sleep. Part of me wanted to say I dont want to be with you anymore and another part of me questioned those feelings. I think I am just going to try and work it out with my T and be able to sort out what is best for me.
My wife has a hard time dealing with my depression. She feels helpless. That used to make me feel worse, but yesterday I just didn't care. She isn't the one who feels this way. It was easier when it was just something I held inside. I feel like when I reach out to her, she falls short. I don't think she is able to help me, or anyone for that matter except for people that are trained in dealing with it, or people that have been there and have the emotional strength deal with it. Telling her how bad I feel and then bringing her down with me makes me hate myself. That self hatred leads me to do self defeating stuff. Self harm, speeding, slacking off at work, lack of interest in responsibilities. Not that I am blaming her for any of that, they are my choices and I chose to do things that aren't good for myself.
It is hard to figure things out when I flip flop between putting her on a pedastel and going to the point where I think she is completely awful and no good. I know in reality she is somewhere between those, I just don't know where and if I want that in my life. I think this decision is one I need to full evaluate before I make any impulsive decisions.