Quote:
Originally Posted by H3rmit
Hi Bedobones - that's terrible you were bullied. I have several geeky guy acquaintances, and my husband, who went through a lot of stuff like that. I was the biggest kid in the class, tall and strong, so that never happened to me. I stood up for kids that got bullied when I saw it. I hate injustice.
About the past, yes, we must let it go. Even when I think of my parents' mistakes, I can forgive them. I know they meant well and were ignorant about many things that are understood differently now. The one that kills me still, however, is the smoking. I was a passive smoker, the respirologist said, until I left home. Even in the womb, I was a passive smoker. I could let it go easier if it didn't still affect every breath I take. That makes it hard. Well, not EVERy breath. Thankfully I don't have to think about it every moment, but it becomes obvious very frequently. I struggle with health and physical activity as I have all my life. Hey, at least I have a good mind. I can thank my parents for that, I guess.
Negativity doesn't bother me, so rant away if you feel the need, not that I perceived your post as negative.  You have mentioned before this need to "pass" or not act strange. Do you never get to let it out? At least I have my husband and he has me, and we can be ourselves at home, if no one else would understand. I hope you have at least that.  Social norms are often an unnecessary ball and chain, and are sometimes useful structures for communication or getting things done.
Edit: PS, the wishcraft book argues it's never too late to do something, but of course that's a choice and requires effort. I'm finding it thought-provoking. |
Hi again H3rmit! Yes, my parents were both smokers too. They both quit after I left home (hm-m-m-m-m...) I remember my mother telling me that, as a baby, I had what was then referred to as Colic. She said she would try to hold me & I would become "stiff as a board" & scream! I never really thought much about it until recently. But now it occurs to me that I was probably born addicted to nicotine & was going through withdrawl!
The only outlet I have is when I'm alone. My wife works, I don't. (It comes out in strange ways) Also on the internet. That's why I'm SO glad to have found PC. I think if I didn't have PC & YouTube, I'd probably just implode!
Yes, I've had many a conversation with transsexual YouTubers, who are transitioning & documenting their transition on YouTube. They always emphasize that it's never too late. And I know that this is true. But for me it is too late. Something like that would destroy my marriage & leave my wife completely alone in the world. All I can do now is to keep going as best I can for as long as I can.
Thanks so much for listening to my rant, H3rmit!
