I've been there and it is a hard spot to be in. With depression you get the urge to push everyone and isolate. I also have an intense fear of opening up about it and letting people help me. I think my depression ruined my releationship too, but only time will tell. Have you tried to seek help? Maybe meds or therapy to help combat the symptoms. My antidepressants I take right now don't make me feel any happier, but at least I have energy and don't have a lot of the fatigue I had without them. Therapy can also give you new ways to think about things so everything doesn't become so overwhelming. If you want someone to vent to or talk to feel free to message me. I hope you feel better soon.