Thanks TR, as always. I'll be okay. I'm just a bit shell-shocked at the mo.

My ex who was abusive to me rang me the other night really upset, he told me he loved me and he wanted me back. I told him to get over me and find someone else. He said there is no one else, I still want you and I'm a horrible person. I didnt even know what to say. I told him he wasnt horrible.. I just didnt know what to say

When I was in year 9, I got really triggered in a lesson. I got set out for throwing a rack of scissors across the room. I took a pair outside with me and self harmed. I was then allowed back in. I refused to speak to anyone. I sat at the front on my own (as always) with my head in my arms. All the class left and I refused to move. My teacher spent about half hour talking me out of it. I wanted so badly to tell her what was going, but I couldnt. I felt so small and scared and I just couldnt tell her and knew what I had to go back to. I've always thought she must have just thought I was a wacko and forgotten about me.

Then I got this message from her the other day.. I asked her if she remembered that day she told me she did. I then asked her what she thought. She told me she got sacked over that day. She was really worried I was being hurt at home by my behaviour and things I'd written e.g. poems etc. But as I hadnt actually said the words, she got accused off over reacting and trying to put words in my mouth. Had a massive row with the head and quit/got sacked. She hasnt taught since.

She knew, like she acatually knew. I've always imagined I hid it so well. I thought no one could tell. Its made it so much more real. The things she did for me were wonderful. When she told me, I said Im so sorry. I said I hated to admit it but she was right and she wasnt overreacting. She got upset and said she was sorry too, she said she did everything she could. She told me I should have just said, she would have helped me. I told her I couldnt. I told her I had my sister to protect etc. She said that wasnt your job.

I just cant believe its all real..

Like it was actually me. It was me. I got abused. Not someone else. Not another part of me. ME. I was that trampy skinny little runt sitting in the classes. Going crazy screaming and shouting at teachers just cause I could. Always being desperate to tell them what was going on but not being allowed to. That was me she was worried about. I'm so touched that someone cared.