So I'm trying to decide this now...

I lost my job last month. Back in May when my anxiety peaked and went to a whole new level I was cut from 70 hours to 21 hours a week. Eventually I got down to 16 hours a week. Then I lost the job because of my health and anxiety issues.

I've never been able to keep a job for long because of my anxiety issues. This last job was the longest job I've ever had 2 years but was out of work for 4 months and they were pretty lenient for the first year or so with letting me call in when I really wasn't feeling well.

So I lost my job. I had to leave early quite a bit because attacks would hit and they were bad. If I wasn't leaving most of the time I was calling my fiance to come sit with me at work so I would feel better.

Then I get told I have epilepsy the same week I lost my job. My anxiety got better because I thought I was having psuedo seizures. Now that I know it's epilepsy and I have seizures much more frequently than I'd thought (like often times a few times a day. Sometimes a week or so without but happens most days) and it's just been a mess. I get all clammy and panicky when thinking about applications. But my co worker from my last job has a new job at a place that I'd wanted to work at. I didn't fill out an application but they wanted to meet me anyways. The first interview I was too anxious to go so I bailed. My second interview I forced myself to go and cried during the whole interview. We were outside so I was able to play it off as allergies. I don't know if they bought it or not because it happened the entire time and it was bad, tears pouring down. But still I got the job. My first day was yesterday and a few times I tried to chicken out but went anyways. I had a few episodes in the 5 hours I was there.

To top this all off my (now) husband has to work on Thursday and with seizures my license was suspended so I have no way to get to the job tomorrow when they want me in there. I also don't have a babysitter. I could fight to the teeth to get to a job only to lose it next week due to lack of transportation, anxiety or seizures.

I filed for disability about 3 weeks ago. I got a letter in the mail requesting more information yesterday. It's so hard to find a way to work and I'm trying to hopefully set up an online shop with handmade items so I can make some form of income because havinga job just seems impossible atm.

I need to make money though, from what I've heard it can take 6 or more months to get approved, I need a way to earn money until that time comes. Would getting a job effect getting disability? If I could work that is. I'm desperate to earn money but I honestly don't know how long I will be there before the episodes get to be too much and I lose my job again.

I don't want disability forever, I need to earn money, but it's been two years of living this way and had it not been for my last job being so accomodating I wouldn't have made a dime last year. My last job sucked but the one good thing was that they were there through the major seizures and through the diagnosis and saw me trying hard to find out what was wrong so there was sympathy. I wont find that again.

It's just frustrating. I dont know what to do. I have to earn some money so I can have medical insurance to see the doctors. My husband can pay all the bills but can't afford my insurance and now that we are married I no longer qualify for medicaid. Our monthly income for a 3 family home is about $1,400 a month. I can't afford to not work and have medical issues, but I can't work. Any advice on what I should do?