I always was more of a burner (lighters). Lately (since Easter) I've found myself drawn to the surrated knife. A huge one. I disassociated on Easter and woke up with a lighter in one hands, burns on my thigh and a huge surrated blade next to me, blood pouring from lacerations on my thigh. I told myself I dissasociated, there's nothing I could've done. I was upset, alone and had fought with my husband that day when I chose to stay home and skip participating in Easter. But just now, home alone, 2 of my 3 kids sleeping over at my sisters, my youngest in bed asleep and my husband at a class at church I couldn't resist. I got the huge surrated knife and cut three inch long or better lacerations on my thigh. The hardest part is just keeping it hidden but I don't wear shorts so I should be okay. I just don't know that I'll ever stop SI. I tell myself, "it's not like digging down to the artery in my wrist" like I've done before, in January actually. I feel like if it's just cutting or SI and not a suicide attempt I can justify it.