I finally realized how appalling it is to have a therapist basically act like he's giving up on me rather than working through my symptoms and trying to find positives I can work with to help me cope. I called yesterday and told him I want a different therapist in the group ASAP and I don't want to talk to him again.

My psychiatrist is now going on maternity leave until January, so I guess I'll work with the covering physician to see if he's willing to take the chance of mixing up my meds again. I've tried a lot of different things, but I'm sure there are other combos I could try. I guess they are all afraid to be the ones to cause me to fall apart, so they let me just fall apart on my own.

we can't afford disability until it's inevitable. I need help believing in myself and finding the positives. For example, I went 4 weeks prior to monday not taking a full day off. That's amazing for me, so that means taking one day is not a sign of failure. I need a therapist who can help me see these things before I get so bad that I break. I'm still worried about my abilities at work, but they don't seem to be concerned yet. I don't want to face the day and I hate the thought of dealing with the people/politics at work right now, but I've got to try to distract myself when it's bad if I can.