HealingTimes' thread was rather timely for me because I've been going through something similar this week, namely feeling like I want to say I'm quitting but not actually wanting to quit. I didn't trust my T at all at first. Gradually, I've started to, but sometimes it's like this fog descends and I become absolutely convinced that he hates me, he wants to get rid of me, he doesn't care about me and he thinks it's pathetic if I want to talk to him about my problems.

So I'll insist that he doesn't care, take everything he says the wrong way, then email or text him saying I feel like I don't want to come back. I never actually say: I'm not coming back. Just that I feel like I don't want to. I'm like a teenager stropping about how he doesn't understand. On Tuesday for example, I told my T he didn't care about me and this was just one more place where I wasn't allowed to get upset. I was wearing this hat with cat ears on it. My T asked: "How old do you feel right now?" And I said: "Not very," and pulled the hat down over my face.

Later, the fog lifts and I think: really? Do I really think he hates me and doesn't care? If that was the case, he would have taken the first opportunity to get rid of me, instead of saying it's up to me but he hopes I'll come back and talk to him about it. Then I just feel really pathetic and ridiculous for acting the way I have. I keep thinking that everyone else just goes into therapy and talks to their T, and I'm the only one having these ridiculous dramas, but I suspect it's actually not the case so I'm posting here in the hope of feeling like maybe I'm not the only one. I wouldn't blame my T if he was sick of me. I'm sick of me.