I think I get this. While I do get tired of handling the physical stuff sometimes, I think that's just par for the course, especially when you're a parent.

And for me it's not really all of the emotional stuff. Like if my daughter's scared or something, I'm happy to comfort her. (The whining is another story!) But there are definitely things that feel smothering, though that mostly happens with my partner.

For a long time I've complained that I feel like she doesn't want to be as close to me as I to her. (In retrospect, I think that's not at all true...it's just that my expectations for how that gets expressed are different than hers.) Oddly, though, I feel completely panicked and smothered whenever she does try to be close/intimate. Even though it's mostly about her expressing her feelings/love/whatever, I get freaked out that she's making some sort of demand on me that I can't escape.

I've talked to T about this a few times recently. T's thought, given my history, is that it has to do with my mother. (Ugh...what doesn't?!) Growing up she wanted almost no connection with me. Her own needs always came first, and the only thing I could do that would sort of please her (pleasing her being as close as I was going to get to any sort of "love" from her) was to be exactly who she wanted me to be and to otherwise disappear/annihilate myself.

Bottom line: I'm still looking--from my partner--for the love I never got from my mom. But when my partner tries to be close and connected, I panic because I think it'll mean something horrible, like annihilation.

Anyway, blahblahblah...I've gone on too long. But I do hope something here resonates/is helpful, R2S.