I've had a few similar experiences with therapies over the years. They are painful to go through but ultimately, with each one (and this has been a process drawn out over years for me) you learn it has nothing to do with who is sitting in that room with you. It is about you and your ability to trust and feel safe. If that has been severely deficient in your life or abused in any way, it can feel unbearable and almost too painful to believe that you in a safe and accepted space. So you push and pull away when really what you want to know is that you are accepted. I am beginning to see that when you can get rid of this tug of war, that you can begin the work on the deeper issues instead of living in the session to session drama with the T.