Oh, I totally understand where you are coming from ((purple)), you are seeing things in this exchange better than I am. Yes, he did push responsibility on you "the least you could do"? Yes, your are right, he was putting "you" as being partly responsible. That is what I was saying "does happen" what "abusers do" too. What I saw in that exchange was "you need to help me so mom doesnt find out why". And that is what I was saying seems to "continue" often. You were "right" in standing your ground, while you have your own reasons for not telling your mother, I have them too, you made it a point to leave "him" with finding his own way of offering a reason for him not being at your wedding. You did the right thing, you "are" doing the right thing by not "helping him to look for excuses because "wrong is wrong", yes I hear you. I just think he at least admitted "some" but no, he did not appologize to you, and you know what? Abusers do not know how to do that, can't seem to do that, it happens "constantly" to me. They will, if they can say they are sorry to someone "close" to the victim, but for some reason, they will not directly appoligize to their victim.

This is "exactly what my lawyer does too" he IS WRONG, and he will appologize to my husband BUT NOT DIRECTLY TO ME TO MY FACE. Grrrr, it makes me so mad too, it always goes that way, until I find a way to "make them do it". While I know this happens, I do not know "why" it happens.

OE