I have worked for big box retail for 4 years. Obviously, as a starter or customer beforehand, one has no idea just how wasteful these companies are.

I work in a warehouse environment, and all I can say after these already-fast passing years is that...the amount of waste is disgusting.

I am a morally conscience person. I mean, I've tried to numb my senses from pain in my past, tried this and that for different reasons...apathy. But in the end, I can't seem to keep that up (it's a good thing, don't think I want to be emotionless deep down inside).

However, after asking, discussing and debating with fellow coworkers, and with my own responses to my job place I've found that:
1. To stay sane if you cared beforehand, you either force yourself to stop caring, to stop being sensitive, and to stop trying to make any difference
or
2. You become angry, disgusted and you feel lack of respect for your company.

It seems to work here, you will go mentally insane over time, or you will shut down and be like the model society citizen: a walking zombie.

I even imagined that for morning meeting calls, everyone would zombie-walk to the location point in work vests.

and in the midst of this, you are:
1. expected to love and/or respect your job
2. be proud of what you do
3. encourage others to work here

but when I was told these, something grew inside me, like from the depths of my stomach...disgust. I told myself "Proud? to be destroying good companies, to throw away items that are priceless to those in dire need, to damage the environment, to not recycle our mass over-use of plastics?...there is no way I could be proud of my job!"

Sometimes as I see us throwing up clothing, I imagine the kids who having absolutely nothing. When I see us throwing tons of food out, I imagine who is starving...and it makes me angry inside.....I just can't kill my conscience side, I was born like this as a child and I know what it's like to live on less, and to watch a parent pawn valuable items to feed her child, even with 2 incomes. To rent out homes that require renovation (it wasn't so bad, but the situation is sad). My brother and I grew up with my mom together putting together gift boxes for poor kids at christmas time. To me it was something special we did.

Than the lie from my store manager did not help:

She told me we were doing the christmas tree children gift program every year ( I hadn't recalled it happened at all the year she wasnt there), and yet again, we had not done it....I saw no evidence of this. I felt betrayed...it was something I showed genuine care for, and it wasn't even for me.

Aside this, I feel like my whole person is denied to be myself at times. I am a creative-type, and everything I do day to day is against me expressing myself. My non-aggressive nature isn't sufficient for moving up the ladder ( I tried once, but they had to give me a "talk" about how I need to prove myself). On top of that, I've had less good shifts this past few months tan Ive ever had in my 4 years. New people are bribed and get the desired days off, I worked alone for a whole month before anyone bothered to hire them, and I don't even get off at a reasonable hour to enjoy any sort of life after work on weekends. (I'm allowed to ask for weekends specific off if I have pre-planned something ahead of time, but...aside that....I'm pretty much the one who sticks it out and than gets the raw end of the deal).

Perhaps I don't stick up for myself enough? I am just afraid to say the wrong things.....when I feel worked up, I fear being too dramatic or miswording my feelings, and thus gaining less respect.
I speak up though...but I'm not assertive as they want me to be.

In any case, I just 'feel' like it's time to move on...
and need to step over the fears of a new situation and the unknown it brings...especially when I have family and friends who would support this idea. Even my older coworkers are bothered by us young people who just stick around....they want what is better for us and tell us to go back to school, or at least get something better before we are too comfortable.

Even still, I go out of my way to recycle. I gather paper and cardboard I see tossed in trash bins, and I put it in the baler. I try to separate plastic and cardboard so at least 50% of that item package can be reused again....I do what I can, and I don't honestly mean to brag but....I don't think anyone else cares. After so long, no one cares. No one feels like they can make a difference...no one wants to try anymore. They all gave up, and feel like there's no point...like our efforts are wasted and our words go on deaf ears.

I know for sure, I cannot work like this the rest of my life...I have some better purpose somewhere else. Especially after reading the real, horrible truth about the consumerism industry. It's so bad it could drive someone mental---the things they put into products we don't realize is poisoning us, the real reasons we pay less for our products..it's just terrible...and we all need jobs, thus it continues...

I just have my fears and self-esteem to work on so I can be more successful of a person, maybe leaving this job will be a step up in my confidence of my own actions.


So, would you deny or change a job that went against your values?
I realize it's tough when jobs are difficult to get, but given the chance?