After much thought on everything I decided to go back to therapy in the last couple days.

I've been in a rut for over a year now and it just seems to get worse. I have no energy at all to do anything. My husband taught my daughter how to write her name (he's her step dad) when it's something I should have done. I just don't have any energy to do it. I have all the motivation in the world but none of the will power it seems.

So I contacted the mental health clinic I was seen at over the summer. They want me to stay with my T. The one who insisted it was DID.

So I called him to tell him the epilepsy diagnosis and see how he was in regards to me and the DID.

Back when I was in therapy, his techniques and everything helped tremendously. I got so far with his help. But when the DID thing started to get going everything went down hill and I didn't feel I was getting any help at all.

So we discussed everything. He said he's 100% positive I have DID. I may have epilepsy but I do still have DID he said. Said he's never been so sure of anyone as he is that I have it. But aknowledges that I was pushed too far with it and said he will work on coping techniques with me for now and when I'm more stable and such he will start work on the DID.

I don't know what in the world to think about this. He helped a lot and is no doubt capeable of helping me with my current issues with anxiety and apparent depression (although I don't feel depressed at all) symptoms. I just don't know about this whole DID thing. I don't want him to sit there and constantly bring it up when I'm having a difficult enough time coping with the epilepsy diagnosis.

He didn't deny the possibility of epilepsy on the phone since I told him they did and EEG that came back with seizure activity but he continued to insist that I was still DID and that it is possible to have both epilepsy and DID.

Uuuuugh I just wish the epilepsy diagnosis was made at a much younger age when I would have been able to decide for myself from first hand experience if everything was seizure or other related. If I had known the possibility of epilepsy at the age it may have started, I wouldn't be so confused.

It all goes back to the accident when I was almost 5. Accident on the interstate. I hit my head on the right side of my head on the front seat. But the head rest had been taken off long before so it just hit the metal really hard. However my brother hit his head on the glass window and split his eye lid open. They rushed him to the hospital and I stayed behind at the car. I remember crying and telling my mom I hit my head and had a bad headache but she said "Not now, I have to go with _____ to the hospital so he can get stitches" and that was that. A few weeks later I had my first blackout. The blackout all the t's and pdocs thought was when the original DID split happen, during a really traumatic event in my life (likely one of the most traumatic of my life)

And I've had them ever since. So now I have no way of knowing what is what, if it is possible for it to be both DID and epilepsy or if it is just epilepsy that takes over when I'm blacked out.

So frustrating! Although during a 12 hour blackout when I was 14, it did not seem seizure related at all. I came out of it interacting with others and in the middle of a discussion doing something completely beyond myself. No ear ringing, no vomiting, no neck pain. Just confusion over what happened the past 12 hours.

But I've had so many blackouts that were like the seizures I had as well.

I just don't know what is going on any more. I never have and it's getting tiring. If they would have just tested me years ago, after a head injury from and accident and years and years as a young child complaining of migraines and out of body experiences, they should have run more tests before sending me to the psychs first.