Thankyou Moon
This article explains the feelings/longings we have for our therapists and it normalises the experience too. In fact it is expected and encouraged that we develop feelings for our therapist.
In some ways it feels like a trap, a hurtful and confusing one. A patient comes in with a broken heart and through the therapists patience and understanding they learn to fall in love again, or rather the therapist encourages these feelings only to tell their client - No this cannot happen.
It hurts and it confusing.
I fell in love my therapist, we are both female and I am gay. I feel like she encouraged me to text her and when I did she gave me a talk on boundaries. She text me first and I felt confused, like we were both friends but she told me we couldn't be friends. I liked her from the moment I seen her, she didn't disclose any personal information, so I obsessed over her constantly and after a year and a half of seeing her and fuzzy boudaries, many ruptures, my head was so confused. I manged to work up the courage to tell her how I felt, I sent her a long email explaining how I fell in love with her from the moment we met and that it was nothing to do with transference. She emailed me back and said she understood how difficult it was for me to tell her that. As soon as I went to next session she said we had to terminate- no explanation, nothing.
I felt like a weirdo for falling in love with her, like she wanted me to just dissappear so she wouldn't have to see me again. I hope this never happens to anyone else because it hurts, so I don't think it should be encouraged if the therapist can't deal with it.