I think I may need some support. My emotions are really difficult to deal with at the moment. Sometimes I am really over-anxious and start crying whilst at others I feel complete rage which ultimately makes me start crying. I feel quite lost because I don't know what to do with all these emotions. I'm trying not to let these emotions translate into behaviours towards others, specifically I'm trying not to say "this is pathetic/stupid/pointless" before I say something I fear I may be laughed at for saying, but I think this has escalated my anxiety and, because I don't feel very confident and I do feel overwhelmed by emotions in conversation sometimes, I know I come across as aggressive when I'm not, I'm simply overwhelmed. Lots of people say I'm just passionate, so maybe this is purely my anxiety that I'm aggressive and it'll make people lash out at me rather than being a true possible reality. But even with evidence, and knowing I'm not meaning to be aggressive and telling myself the other person isn't judging me, it is so hard to reduce the anxiety and I find myself acting out at myself in private (which is really difficult to openly admit to when I'm trying to do something positive).

Plus therapy has been difficult recently. There are some key things that have changed - such as she doesn't email me back anymore and I'm not entirely sure why, if it is a change of direction or she's thinking it wasn't helpful for me or it simply isn't helpful at this point in the discussions we're having but she'll revert back to it later... Honestly, it isn't really the lack of reply that upsets me but that she's changed it and hasn't said anything and its as though it isn't happening. I know that feels like stuff that has happened in the past, some things are not spoken about, and no one is interested in how I feel and I don't feel I can bring it up as an issue if it isn't one (in their eyes as they're not talking about it!). I haven't asked her about it because I simply can't, but we discuss my emails in therapy so I know she gets them. It sounds like nothing at all writing it down but I know these changes (this and one or two others) are causing me a lot of anxiety because I am very confused. I'm trying to tell myself to let these types of anxieties go because they are unhelpful but I'm finding it hard. I'm not sure what to do, I've been trying to tell myself that I don't need to do anything but just to keep going with the tears, anxiety and stress till it sorts itself. I've been here before so I know it has to reduce at some point.

The hardest thing is having no one to talk to properly. And I know I'm getting a lot more upset by things that usually wouldn't bother me too much, and that even when I'm not in the situation or needing to deal with 'it' I cry, it's silly! I feel as though I'm self-perpetuating issues! Like with my therapist, I'm not seeing her for a few weeks so there is literally nothing I can do to resolve any of my feelings (even if I could talk to her about it) so why can't I simply put it on the back-burner for a bit? I want to re-focus but I feel stuck.

Gosh, this has gotten long. I'm sorry for all of this because really it isn't anything specific or even overly therapy related (despite that being the factor that has escalated my anxiety).