Ugh, I am so sorry you're going through this. I felt something similar and called my T about it even. He reminded me there was a time in my life when I quite literally might have died or been killed as a result of telling. A lifetime of KNOWING that you might die if you tell leaves that kind of lingering fear and panic in its aftermath. My heart goes out to you. Please reach out to your T if she or he allows it. If not, please keep coming here if it helps. You are safe. You did the right thing in telling. This terror will pass, I promise.