when i first got to her office i was really really scared,she knew this and brought up the e-mail i sent her(she never usually does this) anyway i still couldn't talk about it at all. my T asked if it was something i was not sure was a safe thing to talk about . i don't know how but she seemed to make it somewhat OK to talk about. i don't really understand but she seems to have changed so much.it is hard to trust it..who changes that much in a week. but she seems to have .ever sense that melt down i had. i so didn't want to talk to her about my report cards .i told her i didn't want her to read how horrible i was.that it was nice to have one person who knew me and didn't think i was horrible. she just seemed to be so caring about how i was feeling . she asked me if i could remember exactly what was in the e-mail. i shook my head no .but i did remember sending it and the just of what was in it .she did push me some and was not letting me get away with just ignoring things(she said she was not going to let me do that anymore) it made me feel bad. i got some water and avoided all i could and she was pretty direct about what i said . i repeated what the mother had written and we talked some about kids and child psychology. she pulled out some papers from a seminar she went to on child psychology and read the words >when things are right a child acts right. she said all the stuff you all said . she was very kind and said some very interesting things about how a child behaves in school and responds to abuse and all kinds of things. i don't know why but how she was talking to me felt so humiliating to me. it felt strange. i couldn't accept it as my truth. it all felt strange and i just couldn't hear it well. but i did feel that she understood what i was trying to tell her. but it was like i didn't want her to empathize with me at all. it isn't her memories.
ill write more when i can.i dont know why but i cant find words that feel right i really can't not even what i wrote but i am trying. i know she is all about this selfcompassion stuff but yuck.