Quote:
Originally Posted by hamster-bamster
You are drawing wrong lessons learned. So it seems. It seems that your lesson learned is not to have nude pictures taken. You need to look at how not to get involved with people who are manipulative, unstable, abusive, threatening, intimidating, controlling, dishonest, etc. This is because if you draw out of it "do not pose nude" as your lesson learned, but not the part about "manipulative, unstable" etc., then something else bad would happen - not this but something else.
So you need to look more broadly.
Not by way of reminding you but by way of catalyzing learning so that you can get a broader, proactive, forward looking solution to the general issue. If you treat this as a learning experience, you won't feel so foolish, after all.
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my second H shared information about me with my children and managers/colleagues; the info was highly private and and the disclosure was much more damaging than sharing nude pictures would have been because nude pictures are ubiquitous and suicide attempts/mental illness not so ubiquitous; posing nude does not mean that you are incapable of doing the various things that an adult wants to be doing but having attempted suicide and having serious mental illness do make you very weak in the eyes of most people. At any rate, he shared that. Part was excusable as done "in the heat of the moment" - sharing with the managers/colleagues right after the suicide attempt. Later sharing was not excusable as it was coldly premeditated.
He also blackmailed me later, threatening to share this information with another employer who did not know anything but good things about me.
In other words, while there is some merit to the strategy of not giving your partners potentially damaging information - in other words, playing it safe by not posing nude, not attempting suicide, not getting sick with mental illness, and not in general being vulnerable in any way.
A better strategy is learning how to associate with trustworthy people. While I have never posed nude, I did have very playful pictures taken many years ago by a lover who was an amateur photographer. He was an early adopter of the internet technology back then, and clearly could have posted the pictures later, but did not, even though he felt sad when I left him (and married the guy who would later divulge my mental health status to my employer - stupid me). Why? He was/is a good man.
That aside, given that you are so young, it is hard to assess whether the bf is a good man, so playing it safe by not posing nude does still make sense as a precautionary measure, but your general strategy should still be learning how to tell a good man from crap.