I left home ill prepared for life, was overwhelmed by it and gave up on myself. During those first years of depression I learned that nobody wants you around when you're acting depressed (sad, apathetic, desperate, etc.). So I learned to pretend to care and present an amiable mask; mainly so I wouldn't be hassled. And eventually I didn't know what I felt anymore because I had to ignore my sadness to prevent it from showing.

I can't tell you how to be with your emotions and still function in the world. But I'm pretty sure you'll need to work through them with someone before you can move on to a happier life.