Quote:
Originally Posted by HealingTimes
I desperately want to tell her that i feel totally unsupported, and am in bits, and that yesterdays session has left me feeling terrified 
She would offer me an extra session probably, which i cant afford, so thats not possible. There isn't really anything else that she (or I) can do about it..and now i feel helpless.
I have been on the verge of, or in, tears since our session yesterday. She texted me after our session to say that she hoped i was ok, and i replied basically saying i was in bits...and she didnt text back for ages and this is where i sound too needy, i know, but she has always text back quickly, and i was in desperate need of SOMETHING (although i don't know what), and she didnt reply for 5 hours.
I posted about it yesterday: http://forums.psychcentral.com/3034012-post575.html
I just dont know what to do, and feel utterly let down by T |
(((((Healing))))))
I am so sorry that you are in so much pain! Your emotions after disclosing something very difficult are completely understandable. Your T understands this, evidenced by the fact that she texted you to see if you were okay. It is normal for someone to want to miss a session after a big disclosure. I think that there is plenty of time for you to talk about the boundaries of texting, etc. To me, the biggest issue you are facing is feeling exposed and needing reassurance, and trust me when I say that this is a very common reaction. I feel like maybe you are panicking not wanting your T to see your "needy" side, and that you are not seeing her out of feeling exposed/and not wanting to be seen as being needy. I don't know if I am close at all here, but if so, suppressing these feelings and taking a week off could possibly escalate your fears. If you are doing this for a different reason, please disregard what I am saying. My wish for you is that you would take what you have written here and go in and read it to her, or call her and read your fears over the phone. I am in bits is a vague description, I am petrified of seeing you after the disclosure, I feel exposed and vulnerable. Also, I am terrified of overwhelming you with my emotions, is more specific in telling her what you need. I think that asking her to call you so you can get this off your chest would really be beneficial. From what I see, you need to have your emotions and feelings of vulnerability validated, and you need reassurance to feel safe. Your emotions completely make sense, even your wanting to terminate, because clearly this is terrifying for you. If you call your T and tell her specifics, it will be so relieving and healing for you. I think after you deal with your feelings and accept them, that if you still feel a need to text/call T, then you can deal with that then. To me, the need to contact is a surface behavior, and your other feelings are the root. You address the root of the cause, and the surface behaviors will lessen. Just my opinion, though. Please keep us posted.