I recently have done a lot of reading or you could even call it research on BPD because it is a dx I received a long time ago and never really knew much about. I have to say being able to put some of the things I have done in my life into perspective and realize it actually may have been my illness that made me behave that way is a big relief. Now don't get me wrong, I have taken responsibility for everything that has happened in my life and I have to say probably to the extreme where I am constantly beating myself up and plagued by guilt. I didn't realize that many of the things that were really impulsive, like moving to New Zealand from Minnesota because I hate my mother so much, (generalization) for example could be attributed to being BPD. The down side is I feel sad that I am mentally ill and I have been fully aware of this for a long time and I own it, but I still am bumbed about it. My grandfather comitted suicide so I realize there is probably a predisposition for this but it bumbs me out because it has limited me in so many ways. I have limited myself in so many ways. This is totally new for me and I hope I can start putting together and balancing where I fit in all this. Thanks for listening!