I don't think of it as self-sabotage, I think about it more as a reenactment of the past. If in the past, you felt like somebody hated you, now you have to keep going through the motions in the hopes of having a better ending. It takes awhile to learn that the new ending is real. When I am in that mode, I have a negative filter, because seeing the good someone is saying is irrelevant because it isn't harmful, but knowing who hates you is an act of self-preservation, which is the goal.

It is possible, if one has a persecutory part, (that in spite of its name, is actually trying to protect you), that it is doing this to try the waters so to speak. Then, it is like a different ego state emerges and I feel ashamed and I don't hold the emotional memory of how I felt when I thought T hated me. I just remember intellectually that that was how I felt. It feels like an alien invaded me or something.

Then there is the shame and confusion of what just happened? That is how it is for me, anyway. Good post!