I had a friend who was quite demanding of her husband, always arguing with him, ruling the roost, so to speak. One day, she was complaining to me about how she has to tell him to do every single little thing - like he couldn't do anything on his own.

I mentioned that it's possible that he fears that he will be criticized for doing something wrong and that it would cause her to blow up at him. It was an a-ha moment for her. He was walking on eggshells around her because of her explosive behavior, so his erring on the side of caution was seen as just incompetence and laziness on her part.

I'm not suggesting that's the case with you and your H, RTS - just saying that it's hard to know what the other person is thinking.